dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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