You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
