On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
