i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
