I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
