I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
