I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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