So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
