Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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