You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found the puke drawer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
