i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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