If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
