There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
