If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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