Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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