I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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