kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
