I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
