I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
