i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
