just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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