it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dignity is for republicans.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
