Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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