I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
