Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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