great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
