my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
