Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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