I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
