How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
