i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
