Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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