I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
