The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need moral support for this bender
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
