Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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