Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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