Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
