I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
