he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
