I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
