I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
