How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
