Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
