wrigley field is MILF paradise
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
