im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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