so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
