I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jerry, you need to find god
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
