no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
