drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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