Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
pop tarts are not kleenex
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
