Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
