HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
