I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
