i think my tv is drunk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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