i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
