So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Someone signed my nipple.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
