my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
