Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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