I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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