Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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