someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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