Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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