I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
