if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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