...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
